


D&D (Ducks & Dinosaurs)

by Tinamour



Category: Da Vinci's Demons
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, Gen, Inspired by a Video, Plastic Dinosaurs, Rubber Ducks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 07:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12383232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tinamour/pseuds/Tinamour
Summary: When Leo's rubber ducks collection gets out of hand, Zo takes action and Nico is left wondering how this will end.





	D&D (Ducks & Dinosaurs)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by that video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5d8pVg3Qtg.  
> Thanks meridianrose for beta.

“Oh fuck!”

Nico barely had the time to raise his arms in a vague attempt to protect his face before the rubber tornado hit him.

He had been wondering where Leo stored all his infernal rubber ducks, but that wasn’t a mystery anymore. Though discovering them in the linen cupboard was almost disappointing. Leo could do better than that.

Zo would be pleased. They had been trying to find the rubber ducks’ lair for some months, to confront Leo with evidence the next time the bathroom would be a mess. Leo was impressively good at covering his tracks and always faked innocence when confronted about the ducks. Each time Zo and Nico dragged Leo to the scene of the crime, it had been miraculously wiped clean off any yellow monsters. The only good thing about it was that it made Leo clean the bathroom. If stuffing wet towels and toiletries into cupboards or even the sink and covering it up with another towel could be called cleaning.

Nico didn’t even bother to pick up the ducks strewn on the ground and instead reached for his phone.

“Found them,” he texted.

Zo’s answer came quickly. “Those little bastards! Take a picture and bring them all to Leo’s room. Keep eye contact with the evidence, I’ll go catch the culprit.”

By the time Nico had dragged what seemed like a thousand rubber ducks of various sizes into Leo’s room, Zo was back. Nico could hear his housemates talking in the street, and though the sound was too muffled for him to understand anything, he had the impression they were arguing. The key turned in the lock and the door cracked open.

“I swear, I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“So those millions rubber ducks just materialized out of thin air? Come on, even a child wouldn’t be as gullible as to believe that! You could at least have enough considerations for Nico and me as to give us a proper excuse.”

Zo’s angry footsteps made the whole building shake. They really needed a better place than this crumbling house. They also needed for Leo to be more responsible. Both tasks seemed equally impossible right now.

Zo entered the room with a sigh and came to stand by Nico’s side amongst the yellow sea of rubber ducks. Leo peered through the door and shrugged.

“I have no idea where those came from.”

“Like hell you don’t!”

Zo’s roar made Leo step back and Nico quivered a bit.

“Don’t make us go through your Internet history search to prove our point.”

“You don’t know my laptop password,” tried Leo.

“110600, the date of your first flight to America. Not that complicated,” said Nico. “It’s also the code for your bank account and your emails.”

Leo’s face lit up. “So, you’re saying you know my passwords?”

Nico nodded slowly. Leo wasn’t enraged? Something was wrong…

“Which means you could have easily stolen my credit card to purchase all those.” Leo gestured to the ducks, “Then blame _me_ for it.”

Nico’s “Why on earth would we do that?” was muffled by Zo’s loud “For fuck sake!”.

Leo was sporting his Irritating Grin of Victory™ and Nico now better understood why he got punched in the face so often.

Leo making gunfingers at them and disappeared from the doorframe. Only to reappear in it not two seconds later.

“This is my room, actually. So you two, out.”

Zo shot in a couple of ducks with his foot as he left. They squeaked awkwardly when they hit the wall.

 

#

 

Leo was still denying any connection with the rubber ducks’ civilisation that was slowly but surely developing in the bathroom. Even Vanessa hadn’t managed to get him to talk. Which meant it was basically a lost cause.

Zo was angrier than Nico would have thought. Cohabitation was getting awkward, with Zo and Leo actively avoiding each other and hissing like feral tomcats each time they found themselves in the other’s vicinity. And since Nico was on Zo’s side, Leo didn’t talk to him either.

That, and the inability to have a shower without dealing with an alarmingly increasing number of rubber ducks, needed to be resolved.

Zo had suggested they retaliated, but Nico didn’t want to do anything they might regret before trying again to reason with Leo.

But he nearly changed his mind when he found a couple of plastic dinosaurs chilling in the fridge, arranged in a scene that made them look as if they had taken down a chicken and were feasting on the corpse.

Nico picked up the sticky toys and ran to Zo’s bedroom.

“Look what I found in the kitchen. I can’t believe Leo has taken to plastic dinosaurs now. What will be next? Giant Teddy Bears? Miniature cars?”

“That’s actually a pretty good idea,” said Zo, barely looking up from his comics book.

“I’m sorry, what?”

This time, Zo looked up and even closed his book.

“The bears, the cars...that’s a good idea. I’d do anything to get back at Leo. And I’ll need more ideas if the ‘Jurassic Park Operation’ fails.”

“So you mean that...the dinosaurs aren’t Leo’s?”

“Nope.”

Nico felt as if he would implode. He left the room instead.

“Oh, come on, that was a prank, that was supposed to be fun.”

Nico ignored Zo prancing behind him and walked to the front door. He put his hand on the doorknob before facing Zo.

“Seriously, Zo? I thought you were on my side! I’ve had enough. You’re on your own.”

Zo ducked, deftly avoiding the plastic dinosaurs before they hit him on the nose.

#

“I’m sure they didn’t mean it.”

Vanessa squeezed Nico’s shoulder in a comforting gesture.

“Making my life hell? I’m starting to have doubts.” He took an angry sip of coffee.

“You should wait a few more days,” Riario suggested. “Their inventions usually tend to blow up on their own. They’ll get tired of the game eventually.”

“But how long is it going to take? I can’t afford to be homeless for the rest of the year!”

Vanessa looked genuinely sad. “I would offer you to stay at my place, but Giuliano just moved in and we’re a little crowded.”

“You’re welcome at mine.”

Nico’s eyes widened in surprise. “You’d let me into your den?”

“I’ll reconsider if you keep calling it a den, but yes.”

“Thank you.”

“Oh no.”

“I won’t hurt Nico, Vanessa, don’t worry. He’ll be perfectly safe in my flat, maybe even more than he ever was with Leo and Zoroaster.”

Vanessa shook her head.

“No, not that. Here, watch this.”

She pushed her mobile phone to the middle of the table so that Nico and Riario could peer at the screen.

Zo’s face appeared on the screen. He was holding a bunch of bigger plastic dinosaurs in the hand that didn’t hold his phone and he had traced two red lines on his cheeks.

“Welcome, beautiful watchers, to the ‘Ducks and Dinosaurs Wars’. I don’t know about you, but I would watch that movie. Anyway, we are here today for the tenth day of the fighting. My opponent is…”

Zo’s voice was drowned out by Nico’s desperate sigh.

Riario and Vanessa shared a glance. They had to find a solution.

 

#

 

Nico didn’t dare to look at any of his social medias accounts anymore, out of fear of finding a new video of Leo and Zo’s adventures. From what he had heard from Giuliano when Nico had dined with them at Vanessa’s, the ‘Ducks and Dinosaurs Wars’ videos were getting quite popular. Nico just wanted his room back, even if he couldn’t complain about his current situation.

Riario’s place was nice. Less spartan than Nico would have thought, it was a spacious flat with huge windows, set in a quiet neighbourhood. The building was mainly occupied by people who were away on business travel, and the only other permanent resident was Isabella, a lovely elderly lady, who had lived there since she was born and was responsible for the disturbing number of knitted sweaters that Riario owned. She also asked more than once if Nico and Riario were together. Riario always denied it with a polite smile, stating that Nico was his roommate. For now, he added after a few weeks, winking at Nico, who blushed for a reason he didn’t know how to explain.

Vanessa loved the place too. She had started hanging out more with them now that Leo and Zo were caught up in their petty squabbles, and she loved the view of the city that the large bay window of the living room offered. They had spent several nights huddled up on the couch, watching old movies while eating popcorn and drinking cocktails that Riario was exceptionally good at making.

But even if he paid rent, Nico felt like an intruder. And he missed his room. He had come and collected a few things when he was certain that neither Leo nor Zo was around, but even so, it didn’t feel like home.

That afternoon, he was looking at his phone, pondering whether or not he should call Zo and Leo to try and reason with them.

Just as he was about to call Zo’s phone number – Leo’s phone would probably be hidden behind paint buckets or in the sink – when the key turned in the lock and Riario entered the flat. His face lit up when he saw Nico and he sat by his side, an elbow set on the back of the couch.

“Things might just turn out better for you very soon.”

Nico raised tired eyes to Riario.

“Why do you say that? Did you buy the entire world supplies of rubber ducks and dinosaurs so that neither of them could get any more?”

Riario had a small chuckle. “No. But I found this.” He quickly swiped on his phone screen before giving it to Nico.

The first pic was Leo in front of the house, putting on his best sad puppy pout. Behind him, were a sea of bright yellow rubber ducks of various sizes, with a big “For Sale” cardboard sign painted in bright red. The next one was Zo in a similar position, but with his collection of plastic dinosaurs.

“Wait. Are they…”

“Having a yard sale because their little joke got out of hand and now, they’re out of money. It was either the ducks and dinosaurs, or the house. And they made the surprising decision of keeping a roof over their head. Cheer up, Nico! There might still be hope for you.”

Riario gave a playful shove to Nico’s arm before leaving the couch.

 

#

 

Nico still wasn’t entirely sure that Riario hadn’t had more influence in the Ducks and Dinosaurs Wars that he let on, but the result was worth any doubt.

Nico had ventured as far as the courtyard, and there was no ducks nor dinosaurs in sight.

“See,” said Zo, his arms crossed over his chest. “We kept our promise.”

Nico nodded, actually quite surprised.

“And we wanted to say sorry, for being such childish assholes,” Zo went on.

“Apologies accepted.”

They both stared at Leo, who had remained awfully quiet and was toying with a small stone, pushing it between his feet. He jerked his head as if he had been caught by surprise. “Yeah,” he blurted out. “Sorry about…whatever Zo said.”

Zo rolled his eyes up to the sky but Nico couldn’t help a smile. He embraced his friends in a hug. Which proved difficult since his arms weren’t wide enough to embrace both Zo and Leo.

“It’s good to be home, guys.”

“Good to have you back too.”

The hug didn’t last as long as Nico would have liked, but he didn’t complain.

“I’ve got something for the two of you,” he announced as he walked back to the hall, where he had left his bag. He took the two plushies he had bought earlier and held them out to Zo and Leo.

A bright yellow duck and a red tyrannosaur.

“Those are the only ones that are allowed in the house from now,” Nico warned.

“So much fluffier than rubber ones!” said Leo, stuffing his nose into the duck. “Why didn’t I think of it earlier?”

“Because you’re an idiot and Nico isn’t,” Zo teased.

“Actually, it was Girolamo’s idea.”

Zo and Leo’s eyes widened.

“’Girolamo’, now, is it?” asked Leo with a smirk. “Will you tell us more if I make us hot drinks?”

“Only if you don’t lace them with illicit substances.”

“That was one time!”


End file.
